Winter’s Resolution

Time of darkness has come… The canvas of the nighttime falls more promptly shortly after the passing of the Equinox; I see the bright moon hanging faraway, a projection of my recent pursuit; I see the stars twinkling, charming as always to be appreciated.

Night has been such a theme that covered my journey, only to recede in vast beauty. That was an image created out of mythology and shall be observed with much reverence: there came a man watching stars, and the stars were accompanied by nebulae of red, orange, cyan, and blue. As if flower buds burst into blossoms by the earliest sunrise of springtime, the celestial world was in the last rejoice and celebration of its vitality, and the Milky Way was a land of mere dreams and imagination. Ah, I remember those blooming of nebulae, either in a fiery red or a calming blue. And it came the sun, the brightest orb, and the sun rose.

To remind you of the magnificence, yes, but things were dated even further back. Before the sunrise lay the darkness; before the darkness lay the dusk. It was a time of searching back your past, and you were the pursuer of lights and dreams, during which you dreamed of mountains, of seas, and of lands; you were a dweller within. What you had seen were plains of grasses over the mountain’s meadow, islands above the ocean, trees grew upon the land; you had seen many, and more.

Friend, what was your mind like back in the time before darkness? One’s action does not exist without one’s mindset, much as your dream must be with a cause. If I remember correct, you well contemplated over the descending of the sun, for it marks the mere witness of the remaining sunlight; well did storm rampage over your mind, the world of meditation. Hence let me know your world of incessant storms.

Ah, much was I wandering over the city of Istanbul. We have judged those days, yet when I looked back toward those times for once more, things began to reveal their other side… There lies none of the city, nor the dream, nor the storm, but merely a wanderer who searched for whatever appeared in his thirsted mind. A year of segregation, a year of imprisonment, only to be followed by a surge within his imagination. You understand this as clearly as I do – things that had appeared in our vision; they were the mere aspirations for me as then and as now. From whence did they occur? Straightforwardly, your fear over the winter, the impending coldness; your instinct drove you to search for warmth, light, and vastness. I was wandering across the city of Istanbul, yes; I remembered those whiteish towers and golden arches, all but what I longed for much.

My mind before the darkness was a piece of creation; nor did it change throughout the period of darkness. We have completed countless journeys, either through your meditation or in the reality. But what cause, after all, fueled us to fulfill the action of nonbeing? I would say you are but a strayed soul who walked in no direction. Alas, look through my bygone; it was of no meaning…

I lived in two halves of myself: one always lurks within, the other shines as ostensible. When the latter draws no need to be depicted, it becomes the former to dominate. Hence did I fall into the world of my meditation, where everything became my creation. Hence I walked through the alley, along which stand the tallest buildings and the deepest waterfall. But occasionally as I searched for the inner tranquility, it turned into a wide, borderless city, a city where everything had no definition without the interference of mine; everything did not exist until being created. I meditated in Istanbul, so well in Macau, in Tokyo, in Boston, upon anywhere. I searched before the darkness, so did I during and after. Winter was but an occasion of dream.

Yet for how long and how deep would I stay within the world of mine? They appeared so real and so appealing, yet would I truly find the meaning of life upon those fabricated elements? Meditation has well created a world to be lived in and relished, but who, other than me, would define its existence and hence rid me off my loneliness? One shall not fall into the perpetual illusion or dreaming, and it follows an ontological argument regarding the existence of the entirety and reality… Alas, I was but a lost soul who searched upon my longings. What would I do wrong?

Three years ago did you dream a vast ocean that took up the entire world and formation. Everything was an ocean, floating clouds, endless firmament, and unpredicted rainstorm. Vastness is its answer: had you lived in a world of such, you would have inevitably let go of the matters and complexity. Hence it follows even the emptiest mind craft of meditation would fulfill the meaning of life.

Your thoughts have been constantly changing. Not much before have you been in a pursuit for nighttime and the moon; further back it dates to the recollection of memories. What shall become the next aspiration? The answer lies nowhere. Perhaps it becomes the impending winter that would lead your way onward.

Despite such constantly changing mind, even now I feel much confined regarding the forthcoming… Alas, everything is so unpredictable, and I am the explorer in thick fogs. But if there exists any resolution that addresses my confusion, it must be lying in the limbo between the spiritual and the reality. Search for the canyon covered by two great mountains; one lies high above in the skies as cloud, the other be a giant tide in the ocean.

Winter has been a lesson. For the past year I was blinded to tell the unfathomable forthcoming and my real pursuit. Dreaming, indeed, but the winter needs a resolution that serves as a lesson to me… An unforgettable lesson.